Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
