i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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