Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
