My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
