Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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