I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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