Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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