I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
