and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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