ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
