just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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