What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
