Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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