what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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