R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
