my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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