this boner is exhausting
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
