no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
