"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she pinky promised me she was 18
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
