Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
