I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
