i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
