You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
