Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
