we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
