Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
