I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
