I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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