If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I stole a fireplace last night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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