I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
