What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
