i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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