but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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