Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize