So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
