So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
