dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize