I got chris browned last night
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
