I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
