after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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