Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
