Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
