I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
