College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
