Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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