Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
