I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize