Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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