so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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