you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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