I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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