he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
