I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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