My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Someone came in the potted fern
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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