wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
