i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
