She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I FOUND THE LEGS
I wear drunk well.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
