So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
