you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
