i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
