That's intense
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The beer is more important than you right now.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
