At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
