last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize