Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
