remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
