Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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