where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
