And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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