Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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