Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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