Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
