sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
