Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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