At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
