for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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